Top 55 Short Dirty Funny Blonde Jokes

Oliver Oliver Reed
WFJ.C Stuff

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing.”

―Michael Pritchard



Top 55 Short Dirty Funny Blonde Jokes

Compiled and Edited by

Oliver Oliver Reed


Here you have them – absolutely hilarious 55 dirty one liners with LOD effect (Laugh On Demand) to boost your mood and make you happy. I can only hope that you will enjoy these blonde jokes as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

Blonde Jokes

Marilyn Monroe, Blonde Jokes

Check out these 55 funny jokes: Top 55 short dirty funny blonde jokes from large World’sFunniestJokes.Club collection of really good funny jokes submitted and rated by viewers like you, ready for use to make everyone laugh everywhere and on any occasion: at home or at work, in bars, clubs and at parties.

Did you know? Blonde jokes were invented by brunettes, jealous of Marilyn Monroe  getting to have sex with John F. Kennedy, and Hollywood liked that. Her “dumb blonde” persona was used to comic effect in subsequent films such as Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, How to Marry a Millionaire and The Seven Year Itch.

Laughter is the best medicine and great form of stress relief
. According to Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living, laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter may improve your mood and immune system, help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier.
Q: How do you know a blonde likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.

Q: How do you know which blonde gives the best blow job?
A: Word of Mouth.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don’t let your friends use your toothbrush.

Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade?
A: Because she’s 21.

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: What is the best thing about getting a blow job from a blonde?
A: 10 minutes of silence.

Q: Why don’t blondes talk while having sex?
A: Their moms told them never to talk to strangers.

Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduce herself.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
A: They get laid all over America.

Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say Stop.

Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.

Q: What do intelligent Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: No matter how often you hear about them, you never see one.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.

Q: What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A: A blow job with handlebars.

Q: What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?
A: At first there’s a lot of sucking and blowing and then you lose your house!

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaaady!”

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they’re on their back.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew them both.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don’t know how much either of them means to you until they go down on you.

Q: Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A: More leg-room!

Q: How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A: She opens the car door.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, “I slept with a Brazilian….”
The blonde replies, “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?”

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the belt buckle impression on her forehead.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blow job.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: Who is the best blonde secretary in the world?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: How would a blonde punctuate the following: “Fun fun fun worry worry worry?”
A: Fun (period) fun (period) fun (no period) (worry worry worry).

Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?
A: She’ll blow your mind, too.

Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A: Practice.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out that she was pregnant?
A: I hope it’s not mine.

Q: What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q: Why do blondes drive BMW’s?
A: Because none of them can spell Porsche.

Q: Why did God invent orgasms?
A: So blondes know when to stop screwing.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t – they’re born that way.

Q: What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: Why don’t blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

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Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, “Cock’ll-doodl-doooo”, while a blonde says, “Any-cock’ll-doooo.”

Q: What did the blonde’s right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing, they haven’t met!

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.

Q: What’s the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

Q: Why can’t blondes count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: “Way to go, guys! “

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: The brick doesn’t follow you around for two weeks, after you lay it.

Q: Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
A: Who cares?

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About author:Oliver Oliver Reed lives in EU with his wife and son where he pretends to be a serial entrepreneur and advertising creative when he would rather be writing. If not behind his computer, you may find him enjoying his free time with his wife and young son, reading his favorite authors, running, sailing, photographing, meditating or laughing with his friends.Oliver lives his life by these inspiring words:
Of all the communities available to us, there is not one I would want to devote myself to except for the society of the true seekers, which has very few living members at any one time.
― Albert Einstein
Albert Einstain

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