Latest General Joke

My New Years resolution

I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

GENERAL JOKES AND RIDDLES

Most Popular General Joke

Bear plays chess

Jake is playing chess with a bear. Amy: Wow! Bear plays chess! It must be very smart? Jake: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!

[bctt tweet="Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They’re easier to find in the dark."]

A fat lady walks into a bar..

A fat lady walks into a bar with a pig under her arm. The bartender asks: “where did you get the cow?” The fat lady says “its not a cow its a pig”, and the bartender said, ” I was talking to the pig”

Where are you from?

Texan: “Where are you from?” Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.” Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”

Two atoms talking to each other

Two atoms were talking to each other. The first atom says, “I’ve lost an electron.” The second atom asks, “Are you sure?” First atom answers, “I’m positive!”

Knock, knock!

– Knock, knock! – Who’s there? – The KGB. – The KGB who? SLAP!!! – The KGB will ask the questions!

At the Dentist

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don’t worry it will take just five minutes. Patient: And how much will it cost? Dentist: It’s $150. Patient: What?! $150 for just a few minutes work? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.

All lawyers are sneaky thieves!

A drunk guy had a bit too much to drink. Walking into a courthouse he yell’s “All lawyers are sneaky thieves!” A man stands up and says “Hey,don’t talk like that to me!” The drunk shouts back “Why, you’re a lawyer?” “No”, says the man “I’m a sneaky thief.”

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