Joke Of The Day

Bigamy Vs. Monogamy

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

HOME OF WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKES

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy

10 Rules of Bureaucracy

A sadly accurate listing of bureaucratic rules

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy

Preserve thyself.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #1

It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #2

A penny saved is an oversight.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #3

Information deteriorates upward.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #4

The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #5

Experience is what you get just after you need it.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #6

For any given large, complex, hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #7

Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #8

To err is human; to shrug is civil service.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #9

There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.

Ten Rules of Bureaucracy: #10

World’s Funniest Notes For The Milkman

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes

These are actual notes left for the Milkman

Compiled and Edited by Oliver Oliver Reed

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes

"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #1

"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #2

"When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door.
PS. Don't leave any milk.”

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #3

"My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #4

"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #5

"Cancel one pint after the day after today."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #6

"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #7

"Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #8

"My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #9

"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."

Top 10 Funniest Milkman Notes #10

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES

Top 25 Funniest Puns Any Real Lexophile Would Love

Compiled and Edited by Oliver Oliver Reed

Top 25 Funniest Puns Any Real Lexophile Would Love

A lexophile is a lover of words, especially in word games, puzzles, anagrams, palindromes, etc. Lexophiles love to use words in unusual ways, such as “a calendar’s days are numbered”, or “a thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.”

If you like playing with words and their meanings, if you are a lover of words, a language geek, a word nerd, than you will definitely appreciate cheesy, corny, funny play on words in the following list of 25 funniest puns.

TOP 25 FUNNIEST PUNS ANY LEXOPHILE WOULD LOVE:

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

TOP 25 Funniest Puns #1

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

TOP 25 Funniest Puns #2

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

TOP 25 Funniest Puns #3

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid.
He says he can stop any time.

TOP 25 Funniest Puns #4

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The reception was brilliant.

TOP 25 Funniest Puns #5

READ ALL 25

World’s Funniest Joke Unveiled

Science declares this is the funniest joke in the world

The world's funniest joke

In 2002 British researcher Richard Wiseman (University of Hertfordshire) created LaughLab – a year long project to discover the world’s funniest joke. The project was set-up in collaboration with The British Science Association, and involved people sending in their favorite jokes, and rating how funny they found the jokes submitted by others. The project attracted attention from the international media, resulting in the website receiving over 40,000 jokes and 1.5 million ratings. (Source: Wikipedia, Reuters)

The world's funniest joke was written submitted by Spike Milligan from Manchester. Here is the winning joke:

"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

― World's funniest joke

[bctt tweet="World's Funniest Joke: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing..."]

Chuck Norris Jokes and Facts – Best Ever!

Editors’ Choice of TOP 10 Facts From a New Book Of Chuck Norris Jokes and Facts

Compiled and Edited by Oliver Oliver Reed

Top 10 Chuck Norris Jokes and Facts

Within a couple of days we are going to release a new book of 300+ Chuck Norris Jokes and Facts (both on eBook and print version - compiled and edited by Oliver Oliver Reed). Check out these Top 10 facts:

TOP 10 CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:

When Chuck Norris calls 911, it’s to ask if everything is okay.

TOP 10 Chuck Norris Facts #1

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

TOP 10 Chuck Norris Facts #2

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one.
For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

TOP 10 Chuck Norris Facts #3

READ ALL 10

Already on sale on Amazon

Top 50 Funniest Jokes In The World Of All Time

Researchers find 'official' world's funniest jokes ever

Survey reveals Top 50 Jokes Of All Time

Top 50 Funniest Jokes In The World Ever

Researchers (from OnePoll.com) examined more than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 and getting 36,000 people to vote for their favorites.
(Source: Daily Mail)

TOP 50 FUNNIEST JOKES OF ALL TIME:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

TOP 50 Funniest Jokes #1

Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shi-tzu.

TOP 50 Funniest Jokes #2

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

TOP 50 Funniest Jokes #3

READ ALL 50

Top 55 Short Dirty Funny Blonde Jokes

World's Funniest Blonde Jokes

Top 55 Short Dirty Funny Blonde Jokes

Did you know? Blonde jokes were invented by brunettes, jealous of Marilyn Monroe getting to have sex with John F. Kennedy, and Hollywood liked that. Her “dumb blonde” persona was used to comic effect in subsequent films such as Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, How to Marry a Millionaire and The Seven Year Itch.

Here you have them – absolutely hilarious 55 dirty one liners with LOD effect (Laugh On Demand) to boost your mood and make you happy. I can only hope that you will enjoy these blonde jokes as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

#55.
Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row.

― World's funniest Blonde Jokes

#54.
Q: How do you know which blonde gives the best blow job? A: Word of Mouth.

― World's funniest Blonde Jokes

#53.
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don’t let your friends use your toothbrush.

― World's funniest Blonde Jokes

READ ALL 55

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

"The Funniest Joke In The World" (video)

"The Funniest Joke in the World" is the title most frequently used for written references to a Monty Python's Flying Circus comedy sketch, which is also known by two other phrases that appear within it, "Joke Warfare" and "Killer Joke".


The Funniest Joke in the World” sketch appeared in the first episode of “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” which aired on 5 October 1969. The sketch was later remade, in a shorter version, for the film “And Now For Something Completely Different”. It features each of the Pythons in various roles, who all die laughing from reading the funniest joke in the world.

Suorces: Wikipedia and Monthy Python official website

Random Funny Joke

Best blow job?

Q: How do you know which blonde gives the best blow job? A: Word of Mouth.

NOW AVAILABLE AT AMAZON

Three Random Jokes

Yes, he can

Chuck Norris CAN understand women.

Yo Mama’s lips…

Yo Mama sucks so much dick, her lips went double platinum.

Yo Mama and a 747

The difference between Yo Mama and a 747? a) About 20 pounds. b) Not everyone’s been on a 747.

CHEMISTRY JOKES

Top 25 Best, Funniest Chemistry Jokes ever told

Compiled and Edited by Oliver Oliver Reed



Helium walks into a bar.
The bar tender says, "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

25 Funniest Chemistry Jokes

Two atoms are walking down the street.
“Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”

25 Funniest Chemistry Jokes

Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
Teacher: That’s not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

25 Funniest Chemistry Jokes

READ ALL 25

World’s Funniest Light Bulb Jokes

Top 10 Funniest "How many ... does it take to change a light bulb" jokes

Compiled and Edited by Oliver Oliver Reed

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That’s a hardware problem.

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #1

Q: How many Hollywood actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the universe revolves around him.

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #2

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #3

Q: How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just beat the room for being black.

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #4

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The answer is trivial and left as an exercise for the reader.

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #5

Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes six visits.

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #6

Q: How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #7

Q: How many cheating husbands does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Cheating husbands screw in motels.

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #8

Q: What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
A: You can un-screw the light bulb.

Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #9

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: How many can you afford?

A2: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement be tween the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non- negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by her/him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm."


Top 10 Funniest Light Bulb Jokes #10

Edinburgh Festival Fringe

TOP 10 FUNNIEST JOKES

The Edinburgh Festival Fringe is the largest arts festival in the world and takes place every August (since 1947) for three weeks in Scotland’s capital city. While waiting for Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2016, check out last year's winners.


The 39-year-old Darren Walsh received 23% of votes with the line: "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free." The joke beat puns about Kim Kardashian, hippos and Jesus to win the award.

Below is a list of the official Top 10 funniest jokes and WFJ.C Top 10 Fringe one-liners, chosen by Editor Oliver Oliver Reed.
(Full list of awards at: Edinburgh Festival Fringe)

OFFICIAL EDINBURGH FESTIVAL FRINGE TOP 10 FUNNIEST JOKES:

“I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free.”

- Darren Walsh

“Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West."

- Stewart Francis

READ ALL



WFJ.C EDITORS' CHOICE OF TOP 10 FUNNIEST JOKES 2015:

“My twin brother is a body builder. People ask, "Are you identical twins?” We used to be. Now we look like a before and after photo.”

– Alex Edelman

“My dad’s like a laptop, if you don’t touch him for 10 minutes he will go to sleep.”

- Chris Martin

READ ALL